The following entry was written on Friday:
It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks. My son’s first birthday is this weekend and we’re planning a party for him. Our Bathroom is not finished, so we have gone without ANY bathrooms for over a week. The week before was a family vacation that had its own series of unfortunate events. And I was sick prior to that vacation. I was sick, unable to get things done that would have helped with the party given that we were going to be away the week before. It’s been emotionally and physically exhausting.
I remember planning for our wedding. A great deal was going on for me at the time and it too was an exhausting process. Decision making is not my favorite activity. My wife to be and I had many moments of bickering as we tried to get the details ironed out. I hated the preparation; it exhausted, overwhelmed, and angered me at times.
Our wedding was amazing, we both look back on it as one of the greatest days of our lives. When I think back to the preparation I’m nostalgic. I almost miss it even though intellectually I remember how horrible the experience was. It’s amazing to look back on events and be able to see them with clearer eyes.
This morning my car was acting up, I had lots of prep work to do for the party, my wife and I needed to split time taking care of my son, and I needed to go into work later that day. The car situation was icing on the cake and my wife mentioned our bad luck. My response was that if our bad luck is struggling to get a party together we are doing pretty well.
We have wonderful memories and an amazing child. It’s hard to see the blessings when stress is whipping us uphill. It’s hard to be grateful when you’re exhausted. It is so hard to enjoy a moment in a life and culture that conditions us to keep focusing on the goal.
I focus on all the things I could be doing better. I obsess over the things that need to get fixed or the projects that need to get done. I’m judging my life by where I should be, not able to appreciate where I am.
My problems are minuscule, my stresses momentary. I apologize to all those reading this who have actual problems. But I started writing this in a free association kind of way and discovered that I’m missing too much of life. I love that I kind find beautiful nostalgic moments in my past, but I want to enjoy and be thankful for my present moments.
Hebrews 3:13 “ But encourage one another every day while it is called today…” I love the now focus. Let’s also encourage ourselves today….not tomorrow when the project gets done or “we catch our breath.” Somehow we need to slow down and enjoy what we have.
NOTE: True enough, its Monday and the nostalgia has kicked in 🙂